..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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