i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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