I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
