I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
