just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
