is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize