my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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