A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize