It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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