I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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