Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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