she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
