When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
