Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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