Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
