we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
