We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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