His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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