Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
