We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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