so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
