my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
