Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
