i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
