peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
