I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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