My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
