I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize