She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
