They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
