I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
