Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
