Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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