I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
