omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
And then he peed in my hair
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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