those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
