she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
