fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
