Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
