Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
