we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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