I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
