It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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