fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
