I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If I die, sorry about rent.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
