I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
