The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
