You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
