I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
