Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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