If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
