quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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