Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
