What did we do last night that was yellow?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
