Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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