If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
