Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
