Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Boobs speak an international language.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
