You're completely useless in the revolution.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
