watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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