hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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