Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
