Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
