They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Randomize
