My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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