So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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