By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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