I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
