on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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